The acronym BDSM is one that’s powerful enough to stir vivid thoughts and imagery. Made more popular by the box office hit 50 Shades of Grey, this act, as intimate and sensory-driven as it is, can incite visions of handcuffs, whips, leather, and all kinds of sex toys.

Normally termed a taboo, the social stigma associated with the culture of BDSM is slowly being eradicated.

“When any aspect of sexuality is laden with social shame, it’s hurtful to the individuals who have those desires within them, as well as those around them. As we witness with LGBTQIA culture, once our lifestyles are more publicly accepted, there comes eventual relief of both the mental and physical health stresses on our communities,” said Yin Q, key figure in semi-autobiographical web series Mercy Mistress, in an interview. “I think that in some ways the Fifty Shades phenomenon opened the door to the discussion about Kink in a very public way, thought it was also damaging due to its portrayal of the BDSM lifestyle as abusive and coercive,” she said.

“The internet has provided a way for marginalized and once-invisible communities to find one another and share conversations and create gatherings. More couples are realizing that it’s not wrong to explore kinky sex and that they don’t need to don leather and chains to do so.”

Therefore, for those who’d like to explore anal sex, a butt plug is definitely something you’d be interested in. Butt plugs are very effective in placing your partner into a submissive mind space; it increases the feeling of intimacy and vulnerability. Moreover, the anus has stronger sensations, while being both pleasurable and uncomfortable.

Choose the right butt plug

When It comes to anal sex, choosing the right fit is extremely important. Irrespective of how wide or flexible you think you are down there, it is safer to start small. While there are anal training kits wit range of sizes to help you train you anal musclesfor larger gauges, it is best to opt for the smallest plug you can find.

The best butt plugs are the ones made of silicone due to the softness of the material, permitting usage for longer periods of time.

“My first butt plug was a silicone plug set that came with three sizes and the ends had handles on them. I love the feeling of the space they take up and the heightened sensation you experience when you include them in play,” said an anonymous woman in a Cosmopolitan interview.

However, it is recommended not to wear a butt plug longer than two or three hours as prolonged use can lead to damage or ulcers. A butt plug can be slightly uncomfortable, but it should never hurt. Therefore, it is advisable to remove a plug immediately any pain, bleeding or discomfort is noticed.

However, for those who intend to add some flair to it, tail plugs are a great form of BDSM play. When one partner wears a tail plug, they can resemble an animal or pet, a form of role-playing common in consensual dominant and submissive relationships. This is usually referred to as “pet play”, a specific fetish where one partner is being turned on by another partner role-playing as a pet.

Whatever the case may be, ensure that the material you are purchasing is phthalates free—chemicals added to synthetic material to increase its plasticity. The EPA has tagged these agents “possible human carcinogens” and they are most likely to cause hormone disruption. This invariably means that it is best to avoid materials made from PVC, vinyl, or jelly rubber. One way to detect this is if the toy becomes bendy, squishy, or has a strange, rubbery smell, then it is most likely made with phthalates.

Insert with the right amount of caution

During insertion, always go slow and steady. Anal play isn’t a race; so, don’t push yourself beyond your limit or try to hasten your way through the whole process. Unlike the vaginal canal, the rectum is extremely sensitive and can easily tear or become irritated, so taking your time is quite imperative. Start outside the anus and adjust your body to the new sensations. Once you feel a lot more comfortable and relaxed, then it is the right time to gently insert the plug. The suggested method is to point the tip upwards towards the stomach and avoid shoving it into the body perpendicularly. However, it is important to pay close attention to the stimulation, as even the slightest bit of anxiety can aggravate the lining of the rectum.

“The key to anal play is lube. If you use lube and can relax your sphincter, the plug will go in much easier. When you put it in there is an absolute sensation of being stretched. When it’s completely in, there’s a closing type of sensation as your ass wraps around the base of the plug, which I find incredibly pleasurable,” said the anonymous woman.

Always ensure that the anus is thoroughly lubricated before engaging in any kind of anal penetration. Heavy water-based or silicone lubricants are much more ideal for heightened anal pleasure then the regular pharmacy lubes. However, for a plug made from silicone, a water or oil-based lubricant should be used instead—as silicone lubes can melt the surface and create small chasms in the plug.

Cleaning the pleasure toy

Keeping your butt plug clean should always be a priority. Use hot water and soap to wash it thoroughly immediately after use, then let it air-dry. It is important to never share anal toys, as this would greatly increase the risk of transmitting infections, viruses, or bacteria.

For plugs made from non-porous materials like stainless steel or silicone and doesn’t have a motor, such types can be disinfected. Just boil some water and leave the toy in it for about 10 to 20 minutes. While those who practise BDSM have rules for protecting boundaries, safety and consent, there is usually a thin line between BDSM and abuse. In May, four women accused Eric T. Schneiderman, former New York attorney general, of assault. However, Schneiderman defended himself from the accusations, claiming he was participating in role play.

“There’s no demarcation in these abuse situations,” said Clarisse Thorn, author of The S&M Feminist. “What these women are reporting is, ‘He would hit me without warning and he would keep going until he wanted to stop.’”

“There is a difference between abuse and B.D.S.M.,” said Gigi, a spokesperson for The Eulenspiegel Society, in a report. “That difference is consent.”