A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. After a well-deserved summer break, her sex column, Dirty Laundry, is back and will run once each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

What constitutes a multiple orgasm? I have to confess I’m a little obsessed with the idea of making my wife cum over and over again. We’ve tried different things – toys, g-spot stimulation and she says she has them sometimes, but I can’t seem to tell when it happens.  I’d love to make them happen for her consistently.  Any advice?

Over Achiever

The thing about orgasms, OA, is that they aren’t like dogs. They don’t always come on command.  Some people have bodies that are capable of multiple orgasms, while others don’t.  Some people experience them consistently.  For others they show up unexpectedly, like a second cousin at a wedding, but more fun and less socially awkward.

As for what constitutes a multiple orgasm? Well, that varies too. A multiple orgasm might be a series of rapid climaxes in succession.  It might be one orgasm and a brief refractory period and then another orgasm.  Or it could mean two or more orgasms experienced an hour apart, but within the same session of sex.  People define multiple orgasm in different ways, but in my opinion the definition isn’t nearly as important as people’s experiences.

I think it’s great that you’re so dedicated to your wife’s sexual pleasure, but when it comes to orgasms it really is quality, rather than quantity that counts.  My advice to you is to focus your attention on what makes your wife feel good. Her body, like every body, has it’s own way of experiencing and responding to stimulation and the best experiences will come when you both respect what her body does naturally.  She may or may not be a person who has consistent multiple orgasms. And those multiple orgasms may or may not look like what you expect.  And orgasms are reliably elusive when sex is goal oriented.  So my final piece of advice is that as long as your wife is game,  keep experimenting with those toys and techniques but do so in the spirit of fun and let whatever happens happen.